“The Expendables” Featuring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren, & Eric Roberts.
Have an hour and forty five minutes and don't know what to do with it? Want a fine cinematic experience? Nah, that's not what this movie is all about.
In a nutshell, this movie is a whole bunch of action stars in a movie that's about action, story be damned.
Both Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger make brief appearances in the film. And it's pretty clear that with a cast of action stars like this, they were just there as a nod and a wink and some good old fashioned promotion.
Mickey Rourke plays a small role as well and looks just about the same as he did in Iron Man 2 but without the Russian accent. His character is a tattoo artist who alternates between philosophizing and crying. He also looked in a few scenes like he was about to drool. Courtesy of modern medicine, no doubt.
Sylvester Stallone is aging as gracefully as ever at 64 years young with absolutely no adiposity on his body anywhere and the physique of a much younger man. Courtesy of modern chemistry, no doubt.
But I'm getting ahead of myself here: the "plot" is that Sly and his buddies have to rescue the people of an island republic being terrorized by an American drug dealer who is making them grow drugs. The team moves in to do some reconnaissance and then they have to back to their base to discuss their plans.
Of course, Sly has met a woman (spent about 20 seconds with here) from the island and has to go back and save here. Writing like this is oscar-worthy in opposite land.
Being that it's all about a woman (isn't it always?), Sly's buddies insist on helping him out by helping take out the bad guys. The rest of the movie is all about action.
At one point, Sly chops off a hand and beheads a rival soldier with a hunting knife (in one quick motion I might add). Another guy on the team has a belt fed explosive launcher that liquefies people at close range. Don't forget about all the ammunition they would need to carry and, of course, didn't. At one point the movie mentions that they took out a platoon of 41 men, this little band of action stars.
All plot points (should that be singular?) take a back seat to action and it really doesn't matter because after a few minutes of thinking to myself "This movie is stupid" I began to realize that's the point. Once I realized it was just a parody of itself, and the action movie genre, I really enjoyed all the over the top moments like Sly grabbing onto the door of an airplane that's taking off and pulling himself in (no amount of human growth hormone can have you doing stuff like that!).
In the end, I say go and see it. Turn your brain off, suspend your disbelief and just have some fun!
Please see some of my other writing at my Gravity Inversion and Renal Diets sites. My name is Jim McClinsey and writing helpful articles is my passion.
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